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07 May 2014 @ 12:25 am
I'm not getting any younger (though I'm still considered as young)  
For some reason, as my college graduation is nearing, I've been bothered with a lot of thoughts. They could be categorised as depressing, but I'd like to think otherwise, but yes, my thoughts are still quite...on the worrisome side? I don't know.

I'm already turning 21 this year and will be graduating next year, March. I am not a very active person in school. I feel like a lot of things haven't made an impact or made me interested in them to the point that I'd devote my time doing it and so on. I haven't been active in the organisations I joined, (I joined because I thought I would enjoy it). I feel lost, basically.

I've always grown up being told that I would end up running my parents' business because apparently my older brother already knew what he wanted to do (become a doctor) and it was in a completely different field. I ended up having to meet my parents' expectations.

Don't get me wrong, its not like I hate my major (Management) but then again, I don't think it would be something that I'd wanna do for the rest of my life. I vaguely remember wanting to become an architect or an interior designer when I was younger but I guess I ended up on the other side.

On top of that, my mom wants me to take up law after college. I enjoyed a law subject I had in my college sophomore year but again, I'm not sure I wanted to do it in the future.

I feel like I just need to get out of all my parents' influences and all these things that stray me away from my own choices. I feel like all my choices were just decided and heavily influenced by my mom and dad. I really don't know.

I've already encountered a lot of hardships and obstacles that already made me feel like this course is not meant for me.

It is just so hard, feeling all this pressure in one go since I haven't really thought hard about these things.

One more year to really find out what I want? But then again, it might probably be too late. I wouldn't be able to get out of the pressure and the influences my parents have built around me anyway.

I just hope that right after graduation, I'd have time for myself before my parents sends me off to law school.